I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
apparently the secret to your success is patron
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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