I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
