how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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