sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
