I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
