Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
