Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
