I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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