Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
