dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Someone came in the potted fern
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
