I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
