we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
