I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
