Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
FUCK WHALES
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
