4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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