I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
