I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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