I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
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Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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