the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize