i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
