Hey man sorry I got all grabby
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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