you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
