she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
