Sry I called you an 8
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize