What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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