I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
