HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
