my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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