you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize