Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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