It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
