i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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