remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
