Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
