Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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