And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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