did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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