Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
