Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
