Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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