There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
