I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
