My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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