You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
