I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
