I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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