walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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