Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
smell my finger.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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