I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
