I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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