i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
