non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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