It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
