Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
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I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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