she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
