Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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