Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
