I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
