He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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