I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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