I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
