i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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