Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
