omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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