just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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