You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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