a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This is my gift to your gina
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
