i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
