i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
