I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
