I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
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Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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