headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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